I was thinking recently about how many kind things we think about people but never say.
We notice the grace with which someone handles a difficult situation. We appreciate the friend who always checks in. We admire a colleague who makes everyone feel included.
We think it, and then we move on with our day. The other person may never know.
Maybe we assume people already know. Maybe saying it feels awkward. Or maybe the thought comes and goes while we’re busy with something else.
But think about how it feels when someone tells you something specific they’ve noticed.
Not just, “You’re great,” but:
“I appreciate the way you make sure everyone is included.”
“You handled that conversation thoughtfully.”
“Thank you for checking on me. I needed that more than you knew.”
Those words tend to stay with us.
I see this in coaching, too. Most people can quickly name what they want to improve. Ask what they do particularly well, and the answer often takes longer.
We don’t always see our own strengths clearly. Sometimes another person sees them first.
That’s why specific appreciation matters. It helps someone understand the impact they’re having.
This is especially valuable in leadership. Missed deadlines and mistakes need attention, of course. So do the things people are doing well.
Who quietly kept a project moving? Who made room for a quieter colleague to speak? Who stayed patient with an unhappy customer or offered help without being asked?
If people only hear from us when something needs correcting, they miss part of the picture of how they’re doing.
The same is true outside of work.
In my August newsletter, I shared a story about celebrating my husband’s birthday. I wanted to give him more than a gift or dinner. I wanted him to have a weekend without having to think about cooking, cleaning, the dog, or all the other things that usually need attention.
To plan that weekend, I had to notice what he takes care of every day. It made me think about how easily we can come to rely on someone’s efforts without telling them we see them.
Appreciation can start there: by paying attention.
When you notice something good in someone, tell them what you noticed.
You may be naming a strength they’ve been struggling to see in themselves.