I have given a lot of attention to the words I use, especially the ones creeping into my thoughts on autopilot. Such small phrases are not small at all. They matter because they bear weight in shaping how we view the world, and the stories we tell ourselves end up mattering.
If I have learned anything, it is this: the mind is one powerhouse of an instrument. Depending on which thoughts we allow playing in our heads, it can either carry us or bury us. But rewiring that inner dialogue? That takes effort, awareness, and a bit of stubbornness.
One thing that has worked for me is something I call the 3:1 rule─that for every negative thought, I balance it with three positives. It’s not just some fluffy feel-good concept. There is actual science to this: when we reach that 3:1 ratio, we tend to stay in that more positive space. When we dip below it, negativity can start to take over.
Why three positives for every negative? Our brains are wired to pay attention to the negative. It is part of how we evolved: our ancestors needed to remember the color of the snake that almost killed them, but the pretty butterfly? Not such a big deal. The thing is, that negativity bias holds on tight today.
So, here is the challenge: next time you find yourself spiraling into some negative thought─be it stress, guilt, or frustration─try to think of three positive things to balance it out.
Say you’re kicking yourself over something that didn’t go right. Instead, remind yourself that your mistakes are opportunities to learn. Or take a moment to treat yourself kindly: Look in the mirror and try to feel love for the person staring back at you. And if that feels hard, picture yourself as a kid─you deserve love now just as much as you did then.
These do not have to be grand or life-changing thoughts, but small ones that, nonetheless, need to be intentional. These little changes start to add up over time, and before you know it, you’ll be setting your sights upon the good stuff much more.